Monday, June 8, 2009

Sex Advice from Urban Planners

This swipe was taken from an article from Nerve.com in 2006.

Here are some selected gems:

I'm moving out of my scummy bachelor pad and I want my new apartment and neighborhood to be chick-friendly. What should I look for?
Use ArcGIS (Geographic Information System software) to map out the spatial distribution of female residents in your age group in that area. Choosing an area with a high concentration of women will not only meet your immediate needs, it will also provide easy access to future girlfriends in the event that you find one and she dumps you.

My boyfriend can't seem to find my g-spot. What are the best positions to make sure he's hitting it squarely?
If you aren't able to figure out the spatial configuration of your partnership, try drawing conceptual plans of the two of you in various positions. That should be effective and make you laugh.

How can becoming an urban planner help me get laid?
Urban planning opens the door to the exciting male-dominated world of architects, builders and engineers. Merge those parcels. And for men, saying you're an urban planner is at least cooler than being an accountant.

How can I get an urban planner to go home with me?
Talk shit about Wal-Mart, brag about your frequent public-transport ridership and drop phrases like "spatial morphology."

How can I delay my orgasm, besides going slow and taking breaks?
Recite the twenty-one principles of New Urbanism in your head over and over again.

Read the whole article, here.

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